Caitlin Jarrett remembers everything about the day Robert Hankey walked into her life. It was a sweltering summer's day on Bondi beach, Sydney, in January 1999. The curved stretch of sand was crammed full of backpackers flicking envious glances at the bronzed local surfers. As native Sydneysider Caitlin sat chatting with her friends, a tall, blond Englishman approached her to borrow a lighter. "He was good looking, with chiselled features," she recalls. "I was very attracted to him from the start." Rob introduced himself and they started talking. "It turned out that we had a lot in common. The conversation continued for over an hour and ended with us going for a drink and swapping numbers." That day signalled the beginning of a relationship that involved travelling back and forth between Sydney and London for six years.

Rob, 30, a management consultant and Caitlin, 27, a psychology graduate, had to put in considerable effort to make the relationship work, calling each other several times a day, as well as sending emails and texts. Caitlin highlights the 11-hour time difference as a major obstacle to communication.
"I would speak to Rob in our late evening and it would be early morning in England - it was hard to appreciate each other's moods."

As Rob points out, long-distance relationships demand continual adjustments to thinking. "I did get accustomed to being on my own most of the time, and seeing more of my friends, so it would take some getting used to, having a partner around again," he says. "It's a big swing from being virtually single to being in a full-time relationship."

Of course, 'long-distance' doesn't always mean different continents. For a time-starved worker at a critical stage in his or her career, having a partner in a different city might seem like an enviable scenario: weekdays can be devoted to work and socialising, while weekends and leave are spent together. Compare this to the situation of live-in couples who have heavy workloads and may take each other for granted. It is unlikely that these couples will book romantic time together, and even when they are together physically, they may be psychologically absent for much of the time.

Whatever the distance, it is no coincidence that we see long-distance relationships as romantic: such a union is rarely sullied by the pressures of work deadlines, outstanding domestic chores and unpaid bills. But with such a high premium on precious time spent together, it is easy to have unreasonably high expectations, with any moment that is less than idyllic seeming like a disaster. As Caitlin says: "We always looked forward to seeing one another, but inevitably we did argue occasionally. Sometimes minor issues would get blown out of proportion just because we didn't get to spend enough time together."

All relationships involve a degree of compromise, and this can be exaggerated if the couple are long-distance. One solution is for one of the partners to move to the other's home town, although this can affect the power balance in the relationship, with that person often having to give up their job and move away from friends and family. In Rob and Caitlin's case, Caitlin spent 18 months living in London with Rob. Missing the friends and family she had left behind was hard initially, but, with Rob's support, she began to settle into London life. She later moved back home, but the period spent living together had helped both of them realise that their relationship could work long-term.

Nevertheless, there was one nine-month period during which the couple didn't meet at all. Caitlin recalls: "It was such a relief when we did finally see one another. Even though we had both changed, we knew we still wanted to be together. That was a wonderful moment." Eventually, they came to the realisation that they were ready for marriage.

The couple decided to get married in Sydney - it was the bride's home, as well as boasting summer weather in January. With Rob based on the other side of the world, Caitlin faced the challenge of organising the wedding almost single-handedly. "Making the big decisions was relatively easy," says Caitlin. "We got engaged when Rob was still in Australia, so we spent the last few weeks of his trip choosing a church and a venue for the reception. "

When Rob went back to the UK, however, the lack of direct contact was frustrating. "The hardest point was the six months before the wedding," says Rob. "We had made a commitment that we wanted to be together, but we had to keep leaving each other." And there were many planning-related decisions for Caitlin to make alone. "If I sent all of the best options to Rob over email, I would rarely get an immediate response because of the time difference, so I ended up calling him several times a day, and making a lot of the smaller decisions myself," she recalls. "It was exhausting, and occasionally I would feel that all my efforts weren't being properly recognised." As an added pressure, the planning coincided with the writing of her degree thesis. How did she cope? "I became an expert at time management!" she laughs. "I allocated a maximum of three hours a week to wedding planning, and I would just send one wedding-related email a week to Rob. It was a crash course in communication!"

The wedding took six months of planning, and was a huge success. The ceremony, held in a church in a Sydney suburb, was attended by 100 guests, almost a quarter of whom had flown in from the UK. Then it was on to a sit-down meal in a private room at the Museum of Contemporary Art, overlooking Sydney's famous harbour and opera house. Canapes and champagne were served on the roof terrace as a prelude to the wedding dinner and speeches.

For work reasons, Rob and Caitlin have chosen to live in England as a married couple, but neither rule out a return to Australia. "I think Sydney is a much better place to bring up children: the weather's much better and we lead a much healthier lifestyle there," Caitlin says. "For now, though, we are happy living in London. It's a relief that we're able to spend time together without worrying when we'll have to say goodbye. And, needless to say, our phone bills have gone down!"

Yasmine Gibson is a freelance writer who has worked for various publications, including the Evening Standard. She has just returned from a stint in Australia.

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